This class is called Theatre 101, but it is more accurately Life 101. I only took the class for gen ed purposes, and I thought it would just end up being a boring, easy A class. I was right about the easy A, but I also learned to think about college and life that go beyond a simple grade. While you could probably survive the course without going to half the classes, I found myself not wanting to miss any.
FAMU’s band is in jeopardy after a seemingly negligent death. Al Golden stays with the U and talks about this and next season. UM basketball season has started, with mixed results awaiting us. American Airlines joins most other airline companies in filing for bankruptcy. And the Miami Heat’s big 3 win their first NBA championship together.
10. Frosty the snowman
9. Santa baby (aka the slut song)
8. I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus (the aforementioned slut’s daughter’s song)
7. Feliz Navidad (the one Spanish song played all year in a South Florida business…how do they make money?)
6. It’s the most wonderful time of the year (for you)
5. Baby, it’s cold outside (In Florida, that amounts to 65 degrees. I think she’ll live.)
We’re in luck this week…twins! While these sisters are half the size of their fellow palms, they have nice curves and hang out at the law school. They’re bound to be smarter than the average gal.
And you know what they say…it’s better to have loved a short one, than never to have loved a tall.
A UM student was caught growing pot, midnight openings on Black Friday causing employee petitions at Target, Herman Cain isn’t doing so well, Newt Gingrich is the newest Republican star of the month, and Obama runs away from the far left to get re-elected. So we haven’t really missed all that much from last week.
Not discouraged by UM’s mediocre performance this year, and still planning to get drunk in Tally while watching us (probably) get clobbered? Here’s the two best routes for getting there on time and in one piece while maximizing fun along the way. How do I know? Having a girlfriend 1500 miles away for 3 years and not being old enough to rent a car tends to give you directional skills and experiences with road trips.
This stunning specimen spends most of her time in front of the UC bridge. Sleek and slender body, wears a size 0. A little crooked towards the neck, but that’s a minor flaw. Great real estate and she’s deeply rooted in her career. The only downside? No head.
In today’s (occasional) brief, Herman Cain’s problems continue as another accusation comes forward, Al Golden’s future at the U isn’t secure, Joe Frazier passes away from liver cancer, Miami’s hanging banker is featured on Fox News, Election Day 2011 (that’s today) is here with little attention, and PETA takes “animal rights” to a new level.
Occupy Miami is still up to their cute shenanigans. NBA lockout madness is ongoing. Herman Cain is not going to be President. Al Golden is changing up the team a bit too late. And a Miami cop who thinks the law doesn’t apply to him gets arrested by a state cop. It’s been an eventful few days.
9. Dirty Al Golden
8. President Donna Shalala
7. Uncle Luke as Dirty Al Golden as Mayor of Miami
6. Crackhead Sebastian
5. An Abortion
4. President Donna Shalala as Spongebob as 16 and pregnant
3. 16 and Guido and Pregnant and transferring to Harvard
2. Herpes
1. Nevin Shapiro
11. Gorilla and Banana.
10. Guido/Guidette.
9. 80s Aerobics Girl.
8. Dick in a Box Guy.
7. Hello Kitty. Super hot kitty. Any kind of kitty.
6. Mario Bros/Angry Bird. Actually, don’t be any kind of video game character. Actually, how about you turn off the video games and man up. Perhaps you should forgo halloween this year and opt instead for getting an actual life.
5. Victoria’s angel, Charlie’s angels, or any angel at all. Recall your Milton, the devil is sexier.
4. Dirty cop. Dirty doctor. Dirty anything. Your dirt is tired. Clean yo ass up.
3. Slut with animal ears.
2. Actually, how about you avoid any and all things that make you look like a slut?
1. And, of course, no costumes that require a piece of paper indicating what the fuck you are. To be honest, we don’t care what you are. We already know what you are. Hint: it rhymes with snoozer.
Happy Halloween!!!
I’ve been critical of UM football this year. There have been too many letdowns over the past few years to not come to expect it this year. My predictions were spot-on during the first six games of the season. Over the last couple of weeks, Jacory and company have been doing a good job of proving me wrong, but they’re still sitting at 4-3 and still have little hope of accomplishing much. Because Georgia Tech and Virginia Tech are having off-years too, they could still win the coastal division of the ACC if they win out versus ACC teams. They won’t.
The Canes have 5 games left, 4 against ACC teams, 3 against ACC cupcakes. Do I still think they will go 1-4 and end up with my predicted 5-7? No. But they will trip up against one of the three cupcakes, lose versus Florida State, or both. And that might start today against Virginia. I think they’ll win. They should win. But this can be the game they screw up to put an end to all aspirations above going to the Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl. And yes, that is a real bowl, and we could very well fall into it. We would if the season ended today.
Earthquake in Turkey, Gaddafi dead and buried in Libya, and Occupy Miami and the Miami Dolphins show off their equal might.
Iran denies their assassination plot despite all evidence to the contrary, Luther Campbell approves of the growing Occupy Wall Street protests, new iPhone goods are being released this week, Herman Cain replaces Rick Perry as a GOP frontrunner, and Miami keeps waiting for the NBA lockout to be over.
5-7. Get mentally prepared for this reality, Hurricane fans. Including
terrible losses to Florida State and even South Florida.
