Don’t Ask Me For Adderall Again

During my three years at the University of Miami, I’ve run into a certain paradox which repeatedly appears at the end of every semester: students buying drugs to assist them with schoolwork.

First off, to every student sitting in the library, or “Club Richter” as semi-motivated facebook-whoring dorks call it, you should be slapped.  Never in my right mind would I congregate in this center of academic slavery without an appropriate disguise, much less post it to Facebook as “Club Richter.”  To make it even worse, these vermin scurry around campus looking for Adderall or any uppers they can get their hands on so they can “focus.”

Everybody needs to stop pretending they came to this school for any reason other than to get fucked up on multitudes of drugs, live off their parents money, and lay face down on the beach in 80 degree sunlight.  If you’re a high school senior applying to Miami for any other reasons, throw out the application immediately and check out the Ivy League, aka hotbed of beat chicks and teetotaling do-gooders who spend their summers in Cambodia digging holes in the ground for people to shit in.

How does this drug even work?  Do people actually swallow it?  And it makes you do your homework better?  Last time I took it, all I wanted to do was throw bricks through windows and punch somebody in the face.  My schoolwork stayed tucked neatly in the way back of my vibrant mind, where it shall remain for all of eternity.

Bottom line: if you are purchasing an upper, such as Adderal, and it is not going up your nose on a Saturday night before South Beach, you’re doing it wrong.

  1. theunusualum posted this