The Unusual

Shopping as a broke college student (I neither have access to daddy’s plastic nor a trust fund) can be beyond heart-breaking. Shopping in Miami is killer!  It’s not even like just Downtown or just “this” mall has the best shopping… it is literally every other street corner.  Every time I set out to accomplish something important and see fashion merchandise, I’m gone.  The mannequins beckon me, the racks become illuminated, drool starts dripping out of my mouth and I start to feel all hot and bothered inside.  I swear, if I could, I’d buy out all those little shops/boutiques you see at Sunset and the Grove in one sitting.  But I can’t, at least not yet, so I scrounge together my nickels and browse the sale-racks of those trendy knock-off type stores. 

My choice to move to MIA depended upon one defining factor: the wardrobe.  I mean, where else in the United States can one prance around in a studded bikini between classes, roam the streets in gold-sequined hot shorts, casually sit down to drinks in a garter belt, or dangle a profanity from a gaudy, glittering navel ring and be praised for it?  (Don’t say Vegas, that doesn’t count.  You don’t want to live there either, trust me.)  Certainly not the snow-globe I call home.  Not in LA either; Hollywood isn’t paved with glitter and its nightlife doesn’t even hold a glow-stick to Sobe’s B/C-rated clubs.  So why is it that both Orange County and Los Angeles (not to mention, like, the vast majority of the US… you know, all those little, old cities that don’t have a TV show and nobody cares about) are literally BRIMMING with some of the best, cheapest shopping ever?

Case in point: H&M.  Apparently, they have locations near Tallytrashy and Central Florida.  But fuck, I’m not crossing all the way over to the white devil’s lair in hopes of scoring a trendy asymmetrically cut tunic.  Regardless, this international chain (future superpower, I can assure you) is one of my favorites, not only because of the affordable prices but because of the flexibility of the merchandise.  It is one of my favorite places to stock up on those little essentials that always seem important, yet they’re an essential and not worth dropping anything big for: black leggings, thin racer-back tanks, fake gold bangles, tiny, stretchy miniskirts that come in every color, you know.  H&M is like a coked-out Forever 21, a little more sophisticated but not as boring as Express or Zara. 

My heart took a beating when I recently found out that DONATELLA VERSACE created a pre-Spring line for H&M!  Of course, I knew that shit would be a long-shot.  The fact that it it was strategically planned to release during the holiday shopping season basically means I’ll never get around to it even if I was near a location BUT STILL!! The only Versace merchandise I can get my hands on now is the the dusty stuff my mother is trying to throw away from the 80’s (more on hand-me-down vintage later)!  And this stuff is gorgeous (or at least most of it).

While $150 for a studded pleather Versace jacket is otherwise unheard of, the Versace authenticity was spot-on; it didn’t look like a line for a knock-off store. The saddest part is, the special collection is SO Miami too!  I would totally rock more than half of that stuff perfectly.  Predictably, the debut of the new line lasted all of about twenty minutes, bringing chaos and calamity among desperate shoppers.  Apparently, some of those fortunate enough to purchase anything from this special line, let alone be permitted entrance into the store, sold the rare merchandise to crazy people on the streets for rip-off prices.  Long live the trickle-down economic system!

I just want to look hot and not feel broke.  Is that too much to ask?